Valiant Living Blog

I Made Amends with My Friend. Why Won’t They Forgive Me?

Written by Valiant Living Recovery on Wednesday, February 5th, 2020

Now that you are working the 12-Steps, you recently gave an amends letter to one of your oldest and dearest friends to help resolve your past issues. Your intent is to let them know that you feel remorseful about your part of what went down and that you are amending, or changing, your behavior to make up for the mistakes you have made. Everything, you believe, goes well, but you find them still angry or unforgiving of you. Whether they seem distant, keep bringing up the past, or say things that are hurtful, you are confused with the aftermath of your letter. You really need to move forward in your recovery with or without them.

Let it Go.

If you have made the amends, asked them if there was anything else you needed to do to resolve the situation, and they said, “no,” let it go. While this may take some additional step work on your part to work out, you should not put yourself in a situation to live with resentments. Any energy that you put towards trying to figure out how to please someone who cannot be pleased is better used by being of service to others who actually want and need your attention. Letting go gives you the ability to put your time and thoughts to better use. 

Let it Grow.

One of the indicators that recovery is working is when toxic people fall out of your life. The 12-Steps, when worked like they are intended to be, will no doubt mature you emotionally. Sometimes there are friends or loved ones who liked you the way you were in your addiction because you were on the same level. Once you start living in recovery principles, your personal growth will be inevitable which can be threatening to your friend who is not ready for your changes to take place. 

What you really need to know is this is their problem, not yours. If you are trying to do everything you can to clear up any outstanding matters, that is all you can really do because you cannot change people, places, or things. Stick to your recovery friends to get you through this time in your life and you will eventually get some resolution. Either you will move on with vigor or they will see the amazing work you have done and want to join you into the fight of your recovery. No matter what happens, you have recovery tools to help you work through anything, and this is no different. 

Offering a full range of recovery and mental health services, Valiant Living offers “Expanded Recovery” to enrich our clients’ lives in mind, body, and spirit. Through evidence-based therapy options and the endless adventure of Colorado, Valiant fosters connection, encouraging clients to get connected to themselves, their peers, their families, and their higher power. With the power of recovery, clients are restored to full health and experience life-changing healing. Call us today for more information: 303-536-5463