Now that you have gotten sober and you are working a recovery program, you have probably digested some pretty big truths about yourself. Even if you thought you were the type of person who would give the shirt of your back to someone in need even during the throes of your addiction, that shirt came with a price. Most every person that you encountered when your addiction was in full force was unintentionally affected by the addiction.
Whether you lied, cheated, or stole, drove under the influence, disparaged anyone who got in the way of your using or drinking, or isolated from the world, those who were in your crosshairs were equivocally affected by your addiction even if they just felt sorry for what you were experiencing. Your main problem was presumably you were too wrapped up in your addiction and what you needed to remain under the influence to notice the effect you had on others.
Cleaning up the wreckage of your past is not an easy task to take on but is certainly necessary if you wish to stay sober and start feeling happy, joyous, and free. Understanding your unsatisfied demands on others, your dishonesty, your self-centeredness, and your fears will help you to understand what it takes to be in a healthy relationship with yourself and others in sobriety.
Unsatisfied demands on others
During your addiction, you may have forced others to do what you think they should do like giving you financial means to stay afloat or else you would consequently make them feel like they may have to pay a price. When you put too high demands onto others, you set up everyone for failure including yourself. Putting unsatisfied demands on others is really building up resentments in expectations that may not be relevant for everyone to achieve. Learn to go with the flow instead of controlling what you think others should be doing.
You may believe that you are cash register friendly and most likely you are. Dishonesty, however, comes in many different forms. Most commonly with someone who has an addiction, they are not honest with what they are feeling and instead use and drink to suppress those feelings. When you do not get rid of the secrets, the adverse emotions, and all the skeletons in your closet, you will inadvertently act out from all the negativity you are housing. The key here is to find someone with whom you can be completely honest with to work your steps and let go of the past. If you start being honest with yourself and your sponsor, you can start being honest in more areas of your life.
Sobriety opens a whole new perspective of what you were like and what you are like now. Case in point, when you were drunk and high, you were undoubtedly selfish at times. Putting drugs and alcohol above your family, your job, and everything else in your life can put you into the category of being selfish. Although that may not have been your intention, an addiction causes drugs and alcohol to be priority number one in order to not deal with life and to avoid the dreaded withdrawal process. The good news is since you are sober, you are already making a better decision into the realm of unselfishness. Not picking up a drink or a drug one day at a time makes all the difference. Being present and clearer-minded by using your recovery tools can help you to learn how to become more altruistic rather than only thinking of yourself.
In recovery, you hopefully concluded that you were driven by a thousand forms of fear which were all exacerbated through your addiction. Fear is a tricky thing that can make you act in a way that you normally would not think to carry out. Acting out of fear can be provoked in a variety of situations and you now can take back your power over your fears. Working the steps can assist you in acquiring information about the causes and conditions of why you have your fears and what you can do to combat them ongoing.
What happens in recovery is that you get the chance to change anything that holds you back from being the best you can be in this lifetime. Change is difficult, but not changing could be fatal especially in the life of someone who is addicted.
Offering a full range of recovery and mental health services, Valiant Living offers “Expanded Recovery” to enrich our clients’ lives in mind, body, and spirit. Through evidence-based therapy options and the endless adventure of Colorado, Valiant fosters connection, encouraging clients to get connected to themselves, their peers, their families, and their higher power. With the power of recovery, clients are restored to full health and experience life-changing healing. Call us today for more information: 303-536-5463