Written by Valiant Living Recovery on Wednesday, May 6th, 2020
Addiction can be one of the ways that mothers can get disconnected from their children. A mom who is consistently under the influence is not being her genuine self which can create a disassociation caused by her addiction. If you were to ask most moms who are suffering from drug and alcohol addiction why they drink, they would most likely tell you that they are overwhelmed with life, and motherhood, which is why they drink and use.
The truth is that anyone who battles addiction has no other choice but to drink and use to endure what happens when they do not. Once the obsession of the mind and allergy of the body is provoked, all bets are off. When they have one drink or drug whatsoever, they cannot stop, which is what truly constitutes an addiction. A mother’s love for her child will not be enough to save her from the grips of addiction, although she would like nothing more. Addiction is more powerful than most people can even believe. When a mother wants to stop, her will power is not strong enough to keep her from picking up a drink or a drug without receiving some help to stop.
What you may see is a selfish and self-centered mother who is neglecting her children. While you may be justified in that claim, this mom needs assistance to admit that she is powerless over drugs and alcohol. She may believe that she is functional and has everything under control even if she has had consequences. What needs to happen is she has to concede to her innermost self that she is powerless over drugs and alcohol, and her life has become manageable. Coming to this conclusion is the first step towards her sobriety.
Being frightened of sobriety is typical for a mother with an addiction. Having to let go of what she uses to cope can be daunting, especially because she does not know what a life of recovery involves. All she knows is that the substances that she believes help her to parent better are being taken away from her and she will be uncomfortable. Not to mention that she will be afraid to leave her kids if she must go to treatment. She may resist getting the answers she needs because getting sober may seem like a difficult and terrifying task. What she is deficit from is a bottom line stating what she will lose if she does not get sober. She should realize that she is putting her kids in danger and one of the first things that she may lose is her kids.
Shame can keep a mother from thinking that she is worthy of even getting sober. She may believe that everyone is judging her and allow herself to become a victim of her guilt. Feeling judged will not push her towards recovery. It will actually do the opposite. She already feels like she has failed her kids, and you, so in her mind, there is no reason to get sober anyways. Addiction will constantly lie to her to take away her dignity and self-worth making her self-consciously think others are thinking the same. Rather than get treatment, she will push others away because of the scrutiny she believes she is under which infuriates her. She wants to be right instead of being free. What this mother really needs is to feel support from her loved ones so that she can finally start her journey in recovery.
She may have demonstrated some heinous acts to make you feel leery about giving her support, and justifiably so. You may just be looking at the meaning of support in the wrong manner. The mother needs support that does not entail enabling or codependent behaviors. What she could really use, is help with babysitting, so she can attend recovery meetings. She needs family and friends that will also get help for their pain and suffering so that everyone recovers together. Another form of support is offering the mother a ride to her recovery activities so that she can stay on track in her sobriety. Most of all, kind words, encouragement, and letting her know you are proud of her efforts can be effective. You can have a huge impact on her progress by supporting her without ever giving any financial or material aid by merely focusing on emotional and spiritual support.
This year on Mother’s Day, we are praying for those mothers who are still suffering and for the children caught in the crossfire of addiction. What you need to understand is that there is hope for you in recovery! You can make the changes necessary to establish abstinence and become the mother you have always wanted to be. All you need is a mustard seed of willingness to begin your journey in sobriety and there is help for you when you are ready to initiate that next chapter in your life—recovery.
We want to show you how recovery will work for you and allow your family to get reconnected. Here at Valiant Living, we offer a full range of recovery and mental health services called “Expanded Recovery” to enrich our clients’ lives in mind, body, and spirit. With the power of recovery, clients are restored to full health and experience life-changing healing. Call us today to get started: 303-536-5463