Written by Valiant Living Recovery on Thursday, September 10th, 2020
Most of us want what we cannot have and think the grass is greener on the other side. Such is the case with being single in recovery. After the hell of isolation during addiction, you may find yourself yearning to be in a committed relationship for the companionship and the intimacy that you desire.
Getting into a relationship too early in your recovery could be detrimental to your sobriety and cause you to relapse. Feeling abandoned, rejected, ridiculed, unloved, or any other triggers from your childhood or past relationships can knock you down and take you out if you are not yet healthy enough to have a relationship.
The point you need to get to in your recovery is accepting whatever your relationship status is, including being single. There are many advantages to remaining single until you meet that special someone who enhances your recovery instead of harming it. Rather than moving to a “complicated” status, staying single can be more beneficial and here is why.
You should continue building a strong foundation for your sobriety no matter the stage of any relationship you have. The excitement of a new relationship, however, could distract you from your focus on recovery. Being single means that a relationship will not cause you to neglect your recovery.
If you were dating, you might decide to forgo recovery meetings or stop doing the deal to spend more time with your new interest, especially during the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship.
Being in a relationship can cause you to set your goals around the other person instead of making the goals about you or your program. Taking care of yourself first and foremost is imperative because you will not be able to make things better in your relationship without genuinely meeting your goals just for you. Once you can figure out what you want, you will be healthy and attractive to your partner.
What you need in relationships in recovery are safety and sensibility. Trying these out with friends and family first can set the standard for what you expect in a romantic relationship. Far too often in the throes of addiction, you may have found yourself settling just to have someone at your side when loved ones wrote you off. Honing platonic relationships will give you the practice to love yourself before you romantically love someone else.
Although you may be dying to find someone so that you are not alone anymore, remember what it means to be in a relationship. Staying together takes time and effort for these unions to be healthy and prosperous. To start a relationship means being accountable for yet another person and giving them the attention they need to maintain the connection. Yes, being with someone is fun and exciting, but your time will become limited by the time you spend with them.
In early sobriety, you are vulnerable and looking to feel better. No doubt, starting a relationship can create exhilaration from being with someone new. Having someone to make you happy during this impressionable time could divert you from working your program.
Getting right with yourself and aligned with your higher power are the best relationships you should nurture as you are getting your bearings about you in recovery. Adding a spiritual element to your recovery will provide more happiness than you have ever known and make any new relationship stronger.
Putting yourself out there to be in a relationship also puts you out there to possibly get hurt. If you cannot handle being broken up with or do not want someone trying to change who you are, quit while you’re ahead. Relationships will bring out drama faster than anything else because emotions tend to run high with excitement while allowing yourself to become vulnerable.
Letting yourself get settled in your program first will allow you to grow in the appropriate areas without having to deal with turmoil in the process. Being single means that you do not have to deal with the ups and downs of a relationship that might cause you more problems.
When you start dating someone, all you are doing is getting to know them better. The truth is that you are just beginning to learn about yourself. Jumping into a relationship can stunt your ability to understand what you really need in your recovery. Relationships will come and go, but your recovery must be here to stay.
Whatever you put before your relationship, you will lose, so you must be willing to stick to a hierarchy of recovery before people. Getting to know yourself will, in turn, show you how to get to know others better. Taking your time to start a relationship will give you time to work on yourself first and foremost.
With all these fantastic reasons to stay single, you can revel in your single status and know that you are getting yourself ready for the next person and your future relationship. By positively changing your character and strengthening your principles, you are granting yourself the opportunity to improve your “picker” and raise your standards to seek a quality person when you are ready to start dating again.
Take your time to prepare for what will come next in a relationship and do not take your single time for granted with self-pity. Own your singledom so that a new love interest will be attracted to your confidence and self-worth.
At Valiant Living, we offer a continuum of care that is effective in assisting someone in gaining long-term sobriety. Our treatment culture is all about building unity for those who have suffered enough from their drug and alcohol addiction. Through evidence-based therapy options and the endless adventure of Colorado, Valiant Living fosters connection by encouraging clients to get connected to themselves, their peers, their families, and their higher power. Clients are restored to full health and experience life-changing healing with the power of recovery. Call us today at (303) 536-5463 to start your journey.