Valiant Living Blog

How Do I Stop Complaining and Start Complimenting?

Written by Valiant Living Recovery on Thursday, March 12th, 2020

Now that social media is the main outlet for people to post their thoughts and emotions, the world is more accepting of complaints it seems. More people are offering up their negative feelings and what the world needs more of is positivity! The best way to compensate for complaining is to compliment others. You may be wondering how in the heck you compliment others, but we have a guide on how to start when you are unsure of what to do.

Be friendly. 

Part of friendship is letting others know what you admire about them. You are certifying to them that you appreciate being friends with them and that you see the best in them. Jealousy and fault-finding are things that fracture a relationship whereas giving someone a compliment will give them the confidence they need in your friendship. Having support in your recovery is imperative and by complimenting your friend, they will be more inclined to give you some positive feedback as well. 

Be genuine.

First of all, nobody likes fake compliments. Disingenuous compliments actually do more damage than good because when they see right through your nonsense, they start questioning everything else that you have said. Not complimenting at all is better than insincere flattery. Worrying about what others really think is common in people who suffer from addiction and should be avoided like the plague. Stick to what you know and express that. 

Be truthful. 

A lie is a lie is a lie. Dishonesty is something that keeps someone who is in recovery from staying sober. If you are telling someone something that you think they want to hear, you are misleading them. Low self-esteem may be causing you to say things that you hope will make someone else feel better and in return make you feel better in the process. Now that you are ready to be truthful, you do not want to say anything which could hurt their feelings. You will serve your sobriety better by using these questions as a process of elimination to know what is appropriate to say: Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? Does it need to be said to me now? Telling the truth at someone else’s expense is unnecessary and can cause hard feelings in your relationship. Think about what you are saying before you say it and you will be golden. 

Be kind.

There are words that are meant to be backhanded in nature while serving as a compliment. Plain and simple – be kind to others. Hurting someone’s feelings is inconsiderate and makes you look bad in the act of tearing another down when they are trying to be vulnerable in their recovery. Check your intention of what you are saying and stop yourself before you are unkind. Ambiguous compliments with snarky, sarcastic, underhanded, and double-sided undertones are hurtful and can cause more harm than good. In fact, you are back bordering on complaining. Bolster true compliments or mute your voice altogether. Stop and keep insensitive comments to yourself so you can go further with kindness. 

Be pensive.

The best rule of thumb for complimenting, rather than to complain, is thinking about what you are going to say before you say it. The other rule at your fingertips is to use the golden rule – treat others the way you wish to be treated. Most people love a compliment to put some pep in their step. People in recovery have already been beaten down enough. By just saying something positive to them can make their day more than anything. Think nice things about them and you will manifest nice things to say to them.

Be memorable. 

On top of all these other things you are doing to make your compliment completely well-founded, you should try to make it memorable. Find ways to make the conversation more enjoyable by being yourself. Look them in the eyes and display positive body language to make them feel more comfortable in your presence. To stand out, your compliment to them should be something that they can believe and something positive they would want to remember about themselves. The best compliments are focused on their characteristics and accomplishments rather than anything to do with their physical appearance. For someone in recovery, congratulating them on their sobriety milestones and the effort they are putting into their program goes a long way for their motivation. 

You can start a movement on your own to get everyone on board to pass along compliments instead of complaints. Can you imagine the positive vibes you are instilling into the world? Try spreading a hashtag such as #dailycompliment4u to post affirmative words or just spread compliments to those you come into contact with. You are making a huge difference!

Offering a full range of recovery and mental health services, Valiant Living offers “Expanded Recovery” to enrich our clients’ lives in mind, body, and spirit. Our staff is ready to use our evidence-based therapies to guide you to become the person you were meant to be in recovery. Call us today: 303-536-5463